Not to mention that once word got around. I also can't abandon him even if I wanted to. It never ends! It feels like I can't breathe. I spend every moment either working to provide for him or taking care of him. I'm not as young as I once was and raising him is wasting what little youth I have left. When I look at myself in the mirror, I can see my age starting to set in. Now I'm trapped and time just keep going by faster and faster. There are so many thing I could have done. She told me not to marry his father and I didn't listen to that either. When he was born, she told me to give him up and I didn't listen. Now all I can think, everyday, is that I should have listened to my mother. Maybe I never had any maternal instincts to begin with? That thought doesn't bother me so much anymore though The other mothers would be shocked to hear me say this, but I enjoyed hearing him beg. He begged me to let him out and said that the dark scared him. I locked him in a closet as punishment - mainly so that I wouldn't beat him. Such a simple thing, but it instantly filled me with an uncontrollable rage. The other day, he dropped one of the glasses in the kitchen. It's makes me feel sick to my stomach that I'm raising him by myself, while he's out there enjoying his life with some tramp somewhere. Now when I look at him all I see is that miserable bastard's face. He acts & sounds more and more like him too. Everyday he looks more & more like his father. I shouldn't hate him, but i can't help it.
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